So today was definitely one of those emotional roller coaster days. First, let's talk symptoms, wonderful, glamorous, joyous pregnant woman symptoms! A sip or a 2 liter, it just doesn't matter. I have to pee all the time! Dizziness,headaches, and cramps are all part of the territory but PRAISE GOD no morninsickness. Woohoo!
This last weekend I kinda hit a breaking point. I've been trying to ignore my cramps assuming my body is going through a bunch of changes why not would I have excruciating cramps? But Friday night in my head I knew something just wasn't right. They were so painful they woke me up and I just cried and hollered, absolutely excruciating. I told my husband, "this can't be normal." I wasn't panicking because cramping was just one symptom of miscarrying that I had read about and I didn't have any of the others but my husband insisted on going to the doctor. So I made the call and the doctor told me she wanted to see me. After talking to the doctor and describing my pain she mentioned what I had been fearing, Etopic Pregnancy. Simply put its when the baby attaches in the fallopian tubes or somewhere where it can't grow and your forced to miscarry. Once I heard it come out of the doctors mouth I desperately tried not to think about it.
Earlier on the way to my appointment at the hospital I was driving and talking to God and just telling Him (and honestly reassuring myself) "I trust You. " The response? "Have I ever let you down?"
In the lab waiting to give a UA I focused on His faithfulness. While I waited to check in to the Ultrasound area I reminded myself of how He really had never let me down. As I laid on the bed and she scanned my stomach and took pictures (not saying anything at first) I kept repeating in my head "I trust You."
There he/she was. Matt has deemed him our "little peanut." The baby was right where it was supposed to be, heart beating and all. :-)
When we left the office I fought back tears.(I have the right to be emotional)
I was so happy that I didn't need to fear and my baby was ok. Matt hugged me and said, "God is bigger then the boogie man." How deeply theological.
Psalm 56:3 "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You."
